While we're all busy analyzing and tearing apart financial reports and pulling quotes from media interviews, there are a few people out there having a little bit of fun with RIM's current situation as well, in a good way mind you. As passed along to me by my good friend @firepuncher, an ad appeared in my local classifieds section from a mother who was looking to purchase a new BlackBerry for her daughter. Aside from listing some reasons as to why her 13-yr old daughter would want a BlackBerry, she humorously inserted some words of wisdom and love for RIM.
"Since we’re all talking about the future of Blackberry these days and I am talking about the untapped potential of the 12 to 15 year old set, I thought I would offer up some marketing mom’s words of advice for RIM. Here are some features and apps that could work for all of us.
- Instead of a Qwerty keyboard, why not offer up a tween talk version. You could allow our kids to butcher the human language in one easy keystroke. They’re doing it anyway. How about keys that say OMG, TMI, WTF, NP, HMU, IMO, BBG and <3 to save our kids precious time when they want to convey meaningful message
- USE PROPER ENGLISH WHEN ASKING MOM FOR A FAVOUR APP: converts phrases keys from the tween talk keyboard into proper English when texting parents
- ANTI-BOOTY SHOT APP: this app puts more clothes on the kids trying to take booty shots in the mirror with said device and allow them to upload a more wholesome photo to their facebook profile
- BBM CREEPER APP: detects sexting messages and forwards them to mom’s phone
- GROUNDED APP: accompanies CREEPER APP and freezes Blackberry for a week to several months based on a message from mom’s phone
- ANTI DUCKFACE APP: Takes the duckface lips and converts to the angelic smile you used to know and love from your beautiful baby girl
- ANTI EYEBROW RAISE APP: I don’t know if it’s just me but is the eyebrow raise the new duckface? You kids look constipated. This app instantly makes your eyes appear normal and removes the 8 creases across your foreheads
- CHORE LOG APP: Each time a household chore is completed and logged, the phone is permitted to be charged. If no chores are logged the phone dies a slow death just like the rat that snuck into her room and took a bite of the green sandwich it was attracted to underneath her bed.
- MALL TRACKER APP: Tracks teens whereabouts at any given mall and gives teen a small electric shock when mom has been parked outside the Bay for 15 minutes and is hopping mad.
- ANTI BULLYING APP: detects rude and insulting texts and turns them to compliments.
Just a few ideas Blackberry, I think if you execute them you’ll sell more models to teens. On second though…you probably sell more models to moms insisting on buying them for teens. And for the record Blackberry, I wish you all the best luck in the future.
You brought us the crackberry. You made us addicted to checking our emails at midnight just in case our micro managers want to double check if we sent that email off to the client at 6:30 when they emailed us while we were at the Swiss Chalet trying to convince our 10 year olds they were not to big to the kids meal.
You were the first SMART phone. And while sometimes I resent you for keeping us so connected, you gave me one of the last pictures I have of my mother and my daughter together at the a tiny hole in the wall chinese restaurant. It’s proudly uploaded to my Facebook page and for the many memories we have archived through you, we all have you to thank for that."
Needless to say, that is probably the most humorous want ad I have ever read for a BlackBerry with the best part being that after all that was said, she continues to ask if anyone has a used BlackBerry to sell her for $50. If you happen to live in the Halifax area and want to help out by getting her a used BlackBerry for $50, her ad is linked below.
A new 5G BlackBerry Android smartphone with a keyboard will arrive in 2021
A new joint announcement from BlackBerry, OnwardMobility, and FIH Mobile lays out the plans for a new 5G BlackBerry Android smartphone with a physical keyboard to be brought to market in North America, and Europe within the first half of 2021.