So, a Bold, an iPhone 3GS and a Pre all walked into a bar...

By Gary Mazo on 26 Jun 2009 03:17 pm EDT
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BlackBerry Rider

So, a "Bold," an "iPhone 3GS" and a "Pre" all walked into a bar......

OK, so let's try to envision this. It is a Friday night after a long week. Three "Amigos" decide to get together for an after work evening of drinks and catching up. Now, these three friends have a long history with one another - a history of trying to one-up each other about pretty much everything. Our night begins with the arrival of the first "friend."

A car pulls up to the bar - not just any car, but a beautiful, slick Porsche 911 Turbo. Out steps the iPhone 3GS. He looks quite dapper in his new non-smudge coating. He is wearing a beautiful Argentinean Vaja iVolution suit - must have set him back close to $150 for that - but he is wearing the colors of Italy and he looks smashing.

Next to arrive is the Palm Pre. He steps out of his Hybrid "Pre-us" and walks towards the bar. He isn't wearing any suit at all - I guess it was hard to find one that could cover him up and still allow him to slide out that tiny little keyboard of his. He waddles inside - his stout, rounded shape making it a bit difficult for him to walk upright.

The last to arrive is the BlackBerry Bold. He shows up on his Harley. When the rumble of the engine stops, he hops off the bike - still wearing his Otterbox suit after a hard day at work. He realized (because of the multiple alarms going off) that he is late to meet his friends, so he runs inside.

They take their seats and try to catch up with one another. Bold notices that iPhone is wearing a bandage on his finger. "What happened?" he asked his old friend? "Oh, it was just a busy day today. Lots of ‘Sliding to Unlock' and stuff - you know how it is."

The waitress comes over and asks them what they are drinking. iPhone goes first, sort of flexing and giving her the eye; "An Apple-Tini for Me" he says; "And make it a double." The Pre orders next; "I'll have a Heineken" he says smoothly. The Bold goes last; "Jack Daniels - straight up." The waitress leaves to fetch their orders.

All the while, iPhone and Bold notice Pre turning on and off with notifications. He certainly looks very slick as he flips through his "Cards" to check his email, return a missed call and check calendar appointments. But then they notice him start to sweat profusely. "You look tired, old friend" quips the Bold. "Yeah, all this multi-tasking is great - but by mid day I am pooped and need an extra charge just to make it through the night." "I see," said the Bold...but he really didn't - he realized he hadn't been charged since the day before and he was feeling more than half strength himself.

"Hey, let's check out the ladies" said the suave and debonair iPhone. He left his friends and meandered over to a sweet, young Samsung Instinct in the corner. Now, he knew that she had a little bit of "iPhone Envy" so he played it sort of cool. "Hi there," he started. "I see you trying to post on facebook. Why don't you log in on me - it is much easier." She was most appreciative. Now, iPhone always seems to go for those girls who weren't playing with a "full keyboard," and the Instinct was no exception to his rule.

"Sad," said Bold - "He just always seems to be trying to impress those who are just not quite as slick or smart as he is." iPhone then walked out of the bar and away from his friends with the little Instinct clutching his Vaja suit as they walked to his Porsche.

Pre looked at Bold and said he would be right back. He walked over to the corner and saw a very sad looking Treo pro. "What's the matter," he asked her? "Well," she said, "since you and your kind came around, not many people are even giving me the time of day anymore." "Oh, don't be said" said Pre. At that moment, he slid himself open to wrap his keys around her to comfort her. Unfortunately, the lower edge of his Keyboard slid right into her, producing a nice gash in her plastic coating. "Don't worry about that," he said. "It seems to be happening all the time these days, I know just what to do."

Just then, Pre and the little Treo Pro walked out of the bar with an ice pack on her cut plastic coating. They stepped into his "Pre-us" and went on their way.

That left Bold, alone at the bar , with his Jack Daniels in his TrackBall. He never moved. Then, almost predictably, a very nice, mature and full figured 8700 came over and sat next to him. "Your friends ditched you" she said to him. "Yeah, " said the Bold - "It happens all the time. Those guys both seem kind of uneasy and insecure - they just show it in different ways. My pal iPhone tries to be too slick and showy. My buddy Pre is trying to hard to please too many people. Both wind up making bad choices and keeping bad company. Talking to iPhone is like trying to type on glass - know what I mean? And Pre - he just tried to do so many things at one time that he just plum tuckers himself out and then can't do anything."

The 8700 looked into the screen of Bold and said he seemed like he was a good, reliable and dependable kind of guy - she then asked him if he would be willing to give her a ride home. "Sure, sugar" he said Boldly - and the two hopped onto his Harley and off they went.

Three friends walked into a bar and three friends walked out. One was slick, but lacked substance. One was trying to bridge the gap between the two extremes and found that he just couldn't do it all and one was maybe not the flashiest, and maybe not the most innovative - but he was reliable, dependable and powerful. In the end, that was what mattered most.

Topics: Editorial

76 comments

drummerboy8469

This really sums up all 3 companies. Hands down. When I started reading it I thought it was gonna be dumb, but bravo!

raji.t

i may not have the bold .. but my 8900 has the looks and definately gets looks ;)

dmglakewood

Wow was I the first person to read all that? lol

That gave me a good laugh mainly just all the play on words.

While the bold may drive a harley I picture my BB storm would be driving a junk yard car that seems to break down when he needs it most.

Bunnii_09

Yea.. BB Storm is right there with trash...

I wish I got a 8900... why...

blackberrywine

This could turn into a STORMy night....
kinda cute thxs Rick

ebgator

Very funny. Sent it to an iPhone user... he wasn't too happy!

Hussenator

This made me giggle I sent this to a Pre user and he fessed up and said that it was true that his battery was gone before the end of the day

GaDgEtMoN

They both Vibrate like crazy when holstered.. ;)

staticfiend

Hey nice V-ROD! Kinda looks like mine 8^)

lowfire#CB

That's what caught my eye too!! But I have a Night Rod ;-)

bobdelt

dirty after reading that... jk

Interesting that the phone meant for the suits ends up riding a harley.... no car service?

Neofire

Great story,..... oh yeah Im a jack Daniels guy myself.(missing the Harley though :(.....)

Just when I started to doubt my future with blackberries I read this! We havent been as innovative as we would like but my 8900 sure as hell is more dependable then my iphone friends. The truth is that a phone has to do the basics correctly and powerfully. And we have that.....

Sirhill

This gave me a good laugh. So true on all fronts

Mystic205

if it was an iphone, palm pre and an early storm...?

well, the storm would be helped in by a tow truck, the screen would fall off and the machine lock up...

give credit where its due, webos makes our OS look so 1990's...and there is a lot to be learned from it..

C4D_m0nk3y

I doesn't matter if your all show and no go... Power and reliability win in the end. Always! Here's to getting something other than a Flip so I can stop being carded at the door... ;)

Dawdle

Yeah.. I'd take the porsche over a harley anyday and yeah I stopped reading after I found out the ipod was was the one driving the nice car over being the one that drove the prius.

michaelalanjones#CB

The Apple kept iFarting, and drove the chicks away.

Plus, since the Bold could multi-task, he was editing Word Docs and XL spreadsheets while he was talking and cruising [the web], while everybody in the bar was rocking out to his streaming Slacker music; the iPhone just stared in disbelief - "How does he do it?"

The Pre bragged all evening, about how 1 million people downloaded his 12 apps. "A million, I tell ya!"

JustinF#CB

Great story! I don't picture the Bold riding a V-Rod though. More like a Road King with 16" apes.

petaf

Somehow I think Bold should have been driving an S-class Mercedes though...

aparada

lol i loveee it...so does he bang her?

Isriam

comparing cell phones to picking up women at a bar, pathetic.

jabohn

Ditto on the WiFi support PLEASE!

hudss

you can PM your dealers number?? you have to be on some good S**T!

Charly182

...I love painting this scene in my mind. But also wondered why the Bold rides a harley.

While the iphone comes in a WHITE Porsche I would have mentioned the Bold was owner of a black or graphite-grey BMW 7series or Mercedes S-Class!? Actually, he is an "senior executive" is'nt he?

Pre and his Pre-us fits perfectly but why did'nt he order a tomato juice? :-)

stingray389#CB

Someone had way too much time on their hands to write this story up.

Ash_786

There's a lot more to the 3 phones and OS's to say that the bold wins.

Interesting story, but, just a story.

jeepguy_1980

It's pretty sad that a story this terrible could make the blog.

simmo77

A good bit of humor but kind of feels like the storm might have gone to the wrong bar looking for a better OS.

Rob FDIinc

Apparently you and I have too much time on our hands. You took the time to write it and I took the time to read the whole thing. Dont get me wrong It was pretty cute and I enjoyed it.

crysis63

pretty nice story, maybe someone can make a short clip out of it.

tucker_dahlin

So... That was dumb, I'm sorry I read it. No offense, and trust me, I love BlackBerry. But that was just a waste of time. A couple of remarks were about as clever as a 5th grader and other than that it was just 100% uninteresting.

dmglakewood

You say it was a waste of time to read, yet you left a comment on it and wasted more time doing that. If your time was so precious you would have never left a comment lol.

tucker_dahlin

Did I say my time was precious? No, because it's not at all. I read it hoping that it would, at some point, go somewhere or make an intellectual conclusion. But it never did. It just ended, dry and pointless the whole way through. This post was garbage, plain and simple. It is probably the only time I've ever genuinely disliked something on this site. I don't usually pay too much attention to anyone but Kevin on Crackberry, and this was actually the first real comment I've ever made. But, Gary, I really hope writing isn't your solitary source of income. The next time you decide to crap something like this together, save us all the agony and let me write it for you. I hate writing but with 30min of free time, I'm pretty sure I could put something together that would do more than waste space.

nsadry

can i have 5 min of my life back... whoever wrote that has wayyy too much time on their hands. I was gonna stop reading at first but i thought maybe just maybe it was going somewhere...

aaronratner

"Pre is trying *too hard to please too many people." I too would like the last few minutes of my life and back. I noticed you didn't bring up WinMo or Android (which WILL take away BlackBerry users over the next couple of years). I would have left these OSes out too if i was writing this lame-assets story. iPhone sucks. The Pre isn't ad if you have the finger of a small child. The OS hs potential but they need to do something about the hardware.

Pre-dawn raid

I like it. Very creative and really sums up the feeling of the three phones. Spot on Gary!!

antoinelamarre

A good laugh!

Some would say it's kind of biased but still funny. I think adding something about the iphone limited to the appstore or ATT(us) and Rogers(canada) could have been fun too but i guess it would just taunt iphone users some more for nothing.

Jonezed7

Very nice and clever :P

Ichigo

10/10 for the story! and it hold the truth!

vroman58

I see the Bold riding in a chauffeured Lincoln Town Car.

RollTide247

ok i owned the bold and now i own the iphone 3g,
im sorry but the hole thing is BS,
my bold was fast, had a long battery life and seemed to be pretty tough... but it had nothing special, it never kept me occupied when i had to sit and wait for something or at the airport waiting to board( the fast internet is amusing for only so long, and the trackball sucks to surf with)

if anything i would compare the bold to bill gates.. yeah he is insanely smart, and a good business man but what does he do for fun? ( besides make terrible commercials and get pulled off the air after like a month?!)

... and the iphone 3g, i would compare to megan fox... she is crazy hot and she knows it.. and we all know it too every time we watch transformers(aka unlock it and open an app) ,she's not the quickest thinker but she sure has the worlds attention... but she too has critics and she will never be perfect hahaha

vv

Freaking hilarious. Had to send it to my iphone wanting roommate. Suck it iphone!!

Michele Weisneck

Those of you who didn't don't have a sense of humor. I thought it totally appropriate the Bold was on a Harley - there's nothing sexier than a Harley!

bling007

Why is it then that the iPhone is off the chart and outbeats Blackberry in the search trends. Blackberry is non-existent in SE Asia and especially China and everyone clamors for the applications on the iPhone? Hmm.. what about the snail pace of launching their Apps World, and snail pace of penetrating overseas... slow.. anyone experience their hiring process? ....slow.....time will tell

RetroAndreas

I think in China an upstart company made a device called the redberry(not kidding) that ripped off the BB technology

cobra302

the only thing that was a little off was the multiple alarms going off with the bold. bold cant do it!! LOL

JohnMidnight

My Bold wouldn't even be caught taken apart on a Harley ^.^
V-Star 650, and V-Star 1300 please ^.^
Not so Flashy, not so "Cool" and certainly, not "mainstream" and well known as Harley, and iPhone :P

cletis

...but you can't refer to a line of motorcycles consciously based on the cruiser design defined by American bikes like H-D as "not so cool"; the whole point of the v-star line is to tap that same market. Just like the whole point of the H-D V-Rod is to tap into the market which would normally stay far away from Harley and buy high-end Jap/Euro bikes: image-conscious yuppies with money to spend. (Which is why I like to refer to the V-Rod as the Y-Rod; it's trolling for yuppies.)

Which is why using a Y-Rod in the graphic was a poor choice: if the author's intent was to contrast the utilitarian nature of BB versus the flashy, image-conscious nature of the iPhone, then he should've used a picture of a Softail or a Road King instead.

snowthedirtbub

Holy crap its just a picture to go along with a funny story, I don't think your suppose to analyze it like its Shakespeare. People need to calm the hell down on here.

ProwlingTiger

I must have missed the Bold's battery pulls somewhere in there....

And the staggering offering of applications on the App Store for the iPhone. Too bad RIM can't mobilize anyone to make some good apps for the blackberry. And what's with the application memory limit? The iPhone beats any device hands down as it can have more installed and more selection of apps. Plus, it just works.

tucker_dahlin

Nobody on this site that has any idea what they are talking about is going to tell you that the iphone isn't a very slick piece of equipment. The ipnone IS pretty damn cool. Its just a matter of what is more important. The iphone is a toy, even with its updates. A BlackBerry is a tool. Though Apple is slowly narrowing the separation, the 2 are at opposite ends of the phone world.

RetroAndreas

I think the iphone is an amazing device.

It's just not for me.

I will get the new itouch when its out though. The apps for controlling audio in the house are simply amazing (sonos)

rockigirl

That was a good read. Nice play on words.

BuddhistGirafe#CB

I know this is a blackberry website and I give the upmost respect to the berries, but in my mind the iPhone I the winner. Actually I an writing this on my 3GS at the moment.

RetroAndreas

Hence the spelling mistakes ;-)

rien

really interesting

petaf

Can't ppl just enjoy this without getting bent out of shape?? It's supposed to be lighthearted for g-d's sake...

tgibson

Best of Both Worlds! I use a Bold and drive a Porsche! Now that makes more sense.

BCColeman3

Previously being a bold owner, I would agree that's it's a great phone and I loved it. But having to do, on average, one battery pull a day, is not what I would consider "reliable."

donniejett

Great! Liked the part about the pre being worn out after a half of day!

mmcfarl1

Whoever wrote that is a complete loser.

Edwina#IM

kinda kinky!!

just kidding.

jlaw

This is the gayest thing I've ever read about cell phones. Are you kidding me? LOL

.ANTHONY.

That was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. Great write up!

venomgirl

Love it!! Kept me reading!

audizoom

AS yet, I have had 0 defects with my storm. Love the ease of almost everything it does, and my (idiot)phone friends always seem to have major issues with their iphones. I have to give the storm it dues.. It would roll up in a Audi V10, just in time to crush the iphony

jkipper

That story was a fantastic overview of all three phones. Well said.

iLovemy_bb

I respect this...a lot...makes you really see the goodness in a BB...btw My Curve 8900 and I are walking tall...