Paris Hilton was released from jail today after serving just three days of her 28-day schedule after a judge ruled she should serve the remainder of her sentence under house arrest after coming down with an “unknown ailment.”
Insiders have told CrackBerry.com that the illness was in fact a withdrawl reaction to being without her BlackBerry. The hotel heiress apparently had not slept in three days after her BlackBerry Curve was confiscated upon entering the jail. Unable to contact Nichol or Lindsey, Hilton slipped into a catatonic stupor as she became overcome by the thought of unanswered text messages and missed e-mails Prison guards didn’t notice anything was different for two days thinking this was normal behavior for Hilton.
Hilton also began to suffer when her thumbs began to twitch uncontrollably. This led to a confrontation with her cellmate, “Big Marge,” who threatened to forceably remove the blonde celebrity’s thumbs and sell them on e-bay.
Later in the day, Hilton’s right ear, unaccustomed to being free from a phone device, began to swell to three times its normal size and doctors were called in. Hilton’s personal physician claimed Paris was indeed burning and recommended to a judge that Hilton be removed from jail immediately and that an emergency BerryPlasty be performed. The judge, cradling a small brown envelope, agreed and Paris was sent to her palatial home to sit out the rest of her sentence under house arrest.
Her doctor immediately ordered a return of her Berry and within an hour most of the symptoms had subsided. Except the catatonic stupor, which is probably a pre-existing condition.
With a BlackBerry back on her ear, and text coming through loud and clear a tearful Hilton was heard to mutter “That’s hot.”