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A marketing mom’s humorous words of advice for RIM from a want ad

BlackBerry
By Bla1ze on 5 Jul 2012 02:48 pm EDT
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While we're all busy analyzing and tearing apart financial reports and pulling quotes from media interviews, there are a few people out there having a little bit of fun with RIM's current situation as well, in a good way mind you. As passed along to me by my good friend @firepuncher, an ad appeared in my local classifieds section from a mother who was looking to purchase a new BlackBerry for her daughter. Aside from listing some reasons as to why her 13-yr old daughter would want a BlackBerry, she humorously inserted some words of wisdom and love for RIM.

"Since we’re all talking about the future of Blackberry these days and I am talking about the untapped potential of the 12 to 15 year old set, I thought I would offer up some marketing mom’s words of advice for RIM. Here are some features and apps that could work for all of us.

  • Instead of a Qwerty keyboard, why not offer up a tween talk version. You could allow our kids to butcher the human language in one easy keystroke. They’re doing it anyway. How about keys that say OMG, TMI, WTF, NP, HMU, IMO, BBG and <3 to save our kids precious time when they want to convey meaningful message
  • USE PROPER ENGLISH WHEN ASKING MOM FOR A FAVOUR APP: converts phrases keys from the tween talk keyboard into proper English when texting parents
  • ANTI-BOOTY SHOT APP: this app puts more clothes on the kids trying to take booty shots in the mirror with said device and allow them to upload a more wholesome photo to their facebook profile
  • BBM CREEPER APP: detects sexting messages and forwards them to mom’s phone
  • GROUNDED APP: accompanies CREEPER APP and freezes Blackberry for a week to several months based on a message from mom’s phone
  • ANTI DUCKFACE APP: Takes the duckface lips and converts to the angelic smile you used to know and love from your beautiful baby girl
  • ANTI EYEBROW RAISE APP: I don’t know if it’s just me but is the eyebrow raise the new duckface? You kids look constipated. This app instantly makes your eyes appear normal and removes the 8 creases across your foreheads
  • CHORE LOG APP: Each time a household chore is completed and logged, the phone is permitted to be charged. If no chores are logged the phone dies a slow death just like the rat that snuck into her room and took a bite of the green sandwich it was attracted to underneath her bed.
  • MALL TRACKER APP: Tracks teens whereabouts at any given mall and gives teen a small electric shock when mom has been parked outside the Bay for 15 minutes and is hopping mad.
  • ANTI BULLYING APP: detects rude and insulting texts and turns them to compliments.

Just a few ideas Blackberry, I think if you execute them you’ll sell more models to teens. On second though…you probably sell more models to moms insisting on buying them for teens. And for the record Blackberry, I wish you all the best luck in the future.

You brought us the crackberry. You made us addicted to checking our emails at midnight just in case our micro managers want to double check if we sent that email off to the client at 6:30 when they emailed us while we were at the Swiss Chalet trying to convince our 10 year olds they were not to big to the kids meal.

You were the first SMART phone. And while sometimes I resent you for keeping us so connected, you gave me one of the last pictures I have of my mother and my daughter together at the a tiny hole in the wall chinese restaurant. It’s proudly uploaded to my Facebook page and for the many memories we have archived through you, we all have you to thank for that."

Needless to say, that is probably the most humorous want ad I have ever read for a BlackBerry with the best part being that after all that was said, she continues to ask if anyone has a used BlackBerry to sell her for $50. If you happen to live in the Halifax area and want to help out by getting her a used BlackBerry for $50, her ad is linked below.

Source: Kijiji

51 comments

ferre_kun

LOL! I know I want some of those apps suggested by that mom for my future kids :p

joforg

I have an extra one, she can have it for free just for the add

wgtcarlos

OK, RIM should send this family a couple of new devices ASAP. I'm laughing a lot, very very funny. Thanks!

hoopitz

I say crackberry donates a couple 9900s to the cause...one for the mother and one for the daughter!

cgk

"Since we’re all talking about the future of Blackberry these days and I am talking about the untapped potential of the 12 to 15 year old set,"

She's a bit behind the (excuse the pun) curve, look at the recent results, teenagers and people on low incomes are RIM's main client base those days!

Puz_zled

Really?! You had to go out of your way to crap on this REAL, funny story??!! Unlike American (and unfortunately copycat Canadian) tech bloggers and opiners who have developed and become fully invested in their negative RIM thesis that they will bend all facts to fit, this was real stuff.
From the virtual keyboard of my Neutrino powered Playbook

BruvvaPete

+1. Sadly there had to be at least one jerk.

elibohnert

LOL!!!! Please tell me shes not serious.

Graheem

I bet she is. I know a 15 year this describes perfectly.

thecsman

Ladies and gentlemen, BlackBerry Messenger.

kdna

Give me back two minutes of my life. Write an app review/feature.

Puz_zled

Obviously you are not the parent of a teen with a smartphone because that was awesome!
From the keyboard of my Neutrino powered Playbook

sevoman

i agree. this was an oprah, kiss the mothers of the world ass piece. yaaay for moms!

BruvvaPete

You really didn't get the point of this particular blog post. Until you get a life, maybe you won't.

mjgallaway

Slow day at the office crackberry?

bungaboy

You still beating your puppy?

newcollector

The whole want ad is great! I don't live in Halifax, but if I did my old 9800 would have a new home and, Mom, keep the $50; reading the ad was worth it.

RIM ought to donate a phone because this ad is just too good!

sevoman

as bad a spot as RIM is in now, this mom's advice would make it worse. wow, just being a mom and mentioning your kids get's your tired suggestions posted onto crackberry?

Rootbrian

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (INCREASINGLY LOUDER AS IT GETS CLOSER!!!! I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF YELLING, IT'S SO FUCKIN' LOUD!!!!!!!)

BruvvaPete

Why do idiots like you act like a horse in a parade and crap in the middle of it? Wait. I answered my own question. You're an idiot.

Android Market for QNX

Pretty funny stuff. At least someone has a positive outlook and a sense of humor about RIM these days. All I hear is negative press. Someone send a BlackBerry her way.

Mummy2

Bla1ze,
Maybe you should take Mom's advice and use proper English when posting a blog.

BruvvaPete

Time out for you, professor.

newportironman

joforg has the right spirit! This is a priceless piece and a great break in the middle of the day for me - who as I "do not view" my way am not too important or busy to enjoy shared humanity and life. I don't have children but my fiance has just graduated 2 beautiful young women past the 18 year mark and this mom sure captured the culture and did it in a way that shows she is a patient and understanding mother w/ a sense of humor and balance.

joski

Wow there sure are a whole wopping amount of fucking idiots on the blogs today.

Thanks for the laugh Bla1ze! Sorry you have to read dumb comments from idiotic C's. ;)

pinkert11

The posting is spot on. Dads and Moms at work consistently tell me how their kids want / need BB for BBM. Our CFO tells everyone how his most BBM contact is his 15 year old daughter who barely spoke to him before her birthday but now BBMs him all the time. BBM - Bringing families together one message at a time!

playbookster

Yes, we need an anti duckface app!

johnnymac

only in Canada would there be a large market for BBM in the teenage crowd, esp girls. I have a teenage daughter, and NO ONE I mean not one of her friends has a BB. Not one, here in the US. So BBM is useless to her - completely.

Love the article and the creativity by the mother. Brilliant!

playbookster

Thats a cool story.. but no there are several countries where BBM is very popular. The UK, Netherlands, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Latin America, Indonesia etc.

BruvvaPete

Note to self: USA != the entire world. Just saying :)

pmccartney

As a parent of 3 teens with BlackBerrys, I concur. :)

Cynbragg

Hey...I'm the "lady" who posted the ad. Just having a bit of fun with my daughter. I figure if I brought her in the world I'm entitled to embarrass her for at least a few years. Thanks for sharing it with your readers. I had to pull the link. Lessons in Kijiji and social media, I emailed a coworker the link and he tweeted it, unaware it was the edit link. Clever people were making some pretty nice edits to my ad. I reposted it here: http://ow.ly/c2XNC Thanks again for sharing it! My daughter wants everyone to know that she is not the kind of girl who needs any of those apps.

Bla1ze

Your right as a parent, I say lol. Sorry folks went in and edited it though.

bungaboy

Good for you.

As the proud father of 3 girls, all of whom have BBs, I know ow where you are coming from.

Thank you.

Thunderbuck

...well, your ad copy was charming, sweet, and abundantly well-intentioned. Made my day :-)

(PS - 9 & 12 year old daughters here... my time is coming!)

ezrunner

This was quite funny! I enjoyed it nice break from the normal articles.
Semper Fi

Rootbrian

Cunning
And brillant. :)

DataWrangler

Love it. Glad I have boys.

lynawry

Does anybody know what case that is? It looks awesome!

MrsD.

Even my soon to be 15 year old daughter got a kick out of the new apps. Her favorite, and mine, was the anti duckface app - and she has several duckfaces in her profile pics. Got to love a sense of humor. With teens, a sense of humor keeps parents from killing their offspring. (Can I say that, or will someone take offense? Oh, who cares, take offense)

MoPiou

I love your want ad.
Félicitations.

BlackBerries and BBM are used a lot among teenagers in France too.
Selling them 1 euros with contracts, sure helped a lot.

Julien.