Dear Berry: Sleep Berrying or Annoyed Wife?

By Mara Blumenthal on 7 Aug 2009 07:13 am EDT

Dear Berry Dear Berry,

My story is odd but what do I do if I will never know the answer to
something? Please let me explain. My wife and I went to sleep around our usual time (midnight). I have been checking my Blackberry a bit less because she was really getting irritated about my using it in almost all situations/venues. She was feeling neglected and a bit jealous and I thought this was a bit extreme. She is my wife and I love her and I certainly don't want her to feel this way. The Blackberry (while I'm admittedly obsessed) is just an electronic device. Clearly nothing compare to the love I feel for my wife!

So when we got up in the morning I noticed that there was a message started on my Blackberry in my inbox. There was nothing in the "body" of the message and there was nothing filled in the "to" field. Just something written on the "subject" line. It said "Lou dart owes me Kitchen" (makes absolutely NO sense to me-I don't know a "Lou Dart", etc.). Now, the freaky thing about this is that I have NO memory of writing this. It was saved as a draft but I know I didn't write it. My Blackberry sits on my nightstand on a pod (charger). I was a bit panicked but then I nicely asked my wife if she wrote it. She swears she didn't. She doesn't use a Blackberry and isn't into technological gadgets but this wouldn't be too difficult for her to figure out. She does work in Information Systems and taught herself SQL programming language. So when she wants to do something she can figure it out. She is determined and tenacious, two qualities in her I love (usually :>))! Now to be fair, I have talked in my sleep before and not remembered what I have said. So I told her I was going to call the doctor (I take a medication at bedtime) to ask what he thought and he said I could have done it when I was in a dream state or it could have been an odd reaction to the medication I take. He said it's very possible she's telling the truth and wasn't playing a joke or doing something to "get me back" for all of my Blackberry use (I know I sound paranoid). Also, when I discussed it with her, she said she would have "come clean" when I told her I was calling the doctor.

So you see my dilemma! I will never really know for sure how this happened. I can actually see her doing something like this. Something that started as a joke and then got a bit out of control so she didn't want to "come clean". HELP, Berry! What should I do with the fact that I won't know for sure?

- Gaslight

Dear "Gaslight",

Thank you for writing.I completely understand your dilemma. While you trust your wife it's clear that her annoyance over your Blackberry addiction might have driven her to "teach you a lesson". I can see her wanting to play a joke on you and it just going too far. Those things happen. In this case however, there are too many factors and you're going to need to find it within yourself to "let this go". Since you won't know for sure, it's out of your control. If it happens again, it's most likely not her. If it doesn't, it was either something that happened as your doctor explained or a fluke. If it happens again you might want to speak to your doctor about the medication your taking (as some have strange side effects). Also, if she did to it to "teach you a lesson" than my guess is she also learned a lesson and might have been too afraid to "come clean".

Something I will recommend is that it might be time for you to set some boundaries with your Blackberry. When you're with your wife, BE with your wife, NOT your Blackberry (e.g., dinner, movie, talking, etc.). Let her know that you want to still check your Blackberry and enjoy it however, you will focus more on her and please let her know how important she is to you. Sometimes that message gets lost with the priority level we give the Blackberry. Make sure she knows that she is your FIRST and ONLY true love!

- Berry

Need some Advice to Help Balance Your BlackBerry and Life? Contact Dear Berry!

Reader comments

Dear Berry: Sleep Berrying or Annoyed Wife?


It's crazy how a smartphone can ruin a relationship. My wife jumps my @%# all the time about being on it. Can't help it that I'm a Crackberry!

Was this a serious email or was this the joke of the day? Stay off the phone and spend time with your wife moron. Obviously if you see there is a problem then she must have said something or she gave you enough hints to pick up on it.

My wife use to feel this way. She has never been a fan of gadgets and has always had a "dumb phone". I bought her a BlackBerry Tour, now she is a CrackBerry addict too. I downloaded her some Apps I know she would use, should her how to run them, and now she plays on hers almost as much as I play on mine.

Be smart about this. Do what I did.
I found I was getting hooked on the awesomeness when my wife bought me a Storm. I found myself giving priority where priority was not really due. So after careful consideration I went out and upgraded her dumb phone, got a Storm for her and now we are both hooked.
I will need to do something about my kids soon though!

A real man knows what's really important. About you grow up. We all love our BB's but it's not hard to know what should be more important.

She will say she dosent want one but get it anyway. Get her using the facebook app and BBM and she will be hooked.

Its pretty obvious that you've been using it so much that you used it in your sleep. Just like you talk in your sleep because your body is so used to talking, you type in your sleep because you're so used to doing it.

i can see where your wife is coming from. i'm very much a crackberry addict, and so is my boyfriend. but when i'm with him i make sure i pay attention to him, especially in instances of dinner and quality time with him. i found myself getting somewhat upset yesterday because he got a promotion at work and i decided to take him out to dinner last night. what did he do? spent half of dinner on the phone texting with other people. after we got home? same thing. maybe i was just in an off mood but he's never done that before.

as far as waking up to things you don't remember doing, i've done it. i've texted people, had conversations with people, etc all in my sleep. i'd say unless it really starts becoming a problem and constant do something about it.

Last night when we went to bed, we turn off the light as always, I laid down next to my wife, wrap my arm around her for some cuddling... After a few seconds, in the middle of my room darkness she ask me, are you done with your phone? I replied, what are you talking about? She said, Could you please put the BB away? I LOL'ed the BB was in the arm I wrapped around her...

Seriously! There will probably be tons of government grant money to study the social implications and impact of Blackberrys upon the American family. Then another study to contrast and compare against the iPhonE! Then perhaps another to measure the impact upon the legislative process as Congress folks are on FB instead of listening to testimonies. And another to study IQs in kids who text in schools regularly vs pigmy tribesmen in the jungles of ..... Yeah, you get it! Stimulus money is fine but if you pay attention to you wife, the stimulus to be all stimulus can be the payoff! Put it on vibrate?

The text of the message doesn't have to make sense, you probably wrote an incomprehensible string and the spell-check corrected it for you as it went along. It could have been "lou ddst odes mf kutcden" but with the magic of autocorrect you might think it's a message from an Ouija board (or a mischievous wife)... My money is on sleep-berrying. Maybe move the cradle farther from the bed?

Just like alot of the other members here my girlfriend used to get upset with me so I would just check my phone when I went to the restroom or what have you. So for our anniversary I bought her a storm and added her to my plan, and really I won twice she barely said a word to me for 3 days and when she did talk she said "well now I understand why you call it a crackberry" so I get to play on mine and she plays on hers everyone wins and were both very happy with our phones.

you were going through withdrawl so you sleep berried! lol. The email wasn't coherent so if it were a joke played by your wife, i don't see how it would make sense...

A funnier joke would have been to hide it! lol... (j/k My ex did this to me and I didn't talk to him for the entire day!)

About a year and a half ago I went to bed with my pearl, as I usually do with my Blackberries, and I woke up the next morning to my phone buzzing. It was my friend Steve. He had messaged me to ask what my message was about. I apparently texted him in my sleep saying "Don't worry, I've got Rev. Gun Control."

Not too much later I sent a few similar messages to another friend, several in one night.

My guess is that it's the exact same as sleep walking and sleep talking. Probably due to stress.

You know that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry sleep writes something on his pad of paper and then can't make sense of what he wrote in the morning?

How do you know you weren't sleep crack berrying?

I gave my girlfriend my spare BB and so whenever I have that urge to look at my phone, she does too and doesn't nag me. So the easiest solution to your wife bugging the crap out of you for looking at your BB is to get one for her too!

I am completely addicted to my Blackberry and it use to to annoy the heck out of my boyfriend. So I bought him one and now he doesn't bother me so much. He teases me about getting him addicted!

I think it's time you got some protection for your BB. Time to get Pattern Lock! That way she can't access your BB.

There's nothing wrong with using your berry in your sleep. Unless you turn your alarm off and it makes you late for work which unfortunately I'm great at. Don't know how to fix that.

Now she picked up the phone for me while I am away and has decided that she loves Brick Breaker. This is how it starts. Next I'll teach her some short cuts that she can use. Then I'll download some apps that she's interested in trying. Before I know it, she'll be full fledged crackberry head. It's like giving the "customers" a free taste to get them addicted. PS, If you sleep on the couch with your BB, at least you'll still have your dignity and you won't have to beg to check your email. LOL Seriously, if my gal gets tired of me being distracted, she just tells me to pay attention to her instead. Problem solved. We don't play these games.

I'm sad to say that I too play with my blackberry often! I'm in a new relationship and when your in a new relationship it requires attention but I'm trying to fulfill her attention needs but I find myself using my apps for everything! I even gave her my old blackberry 8320 curve and she likes it and I'm gonna buy her the new 8520! Once she gets the new one and has all the capabilities of the blackberry she will understand the addiction!! So any advice for my situation?

My gf recently got into smartphones after I gave her an old WinMo device I had, and now she wants to do more. She's looking at a Nokia N-series right now.

But ever since I gave her a smartphone, she knows what the appeal is. Every time she gets bored or depressed about something, she'll look to her phone. I guess she picked that up from me.

My ex-wife was the same way; and no, we didn't separate because of a phone addiction. ;-)

I gave her a merlot Samsung Jack I had sitting around and that's where her addiction started. The Jack wasn't a strong enough drug for her though, so I got her a pink BB Pearl 8220 Flip. I showed her the basics of a BB and she was using it as much as I was.

Moral of the story... If your significant other complains that your addicted to your BB, get them hooked. It's stronger than H; they'll always be looking for their fix.

My gf would get on my case about being on bb all the time and falling asleep with it in my had and not holding her at night...i bought her a bb and now when we lay in bed we both get 20min with our bb b4 we have to put it up and now she is the one that says lets have another 10 min ...ofcourse i never

You are totally obsessed with your BlackBerry and I swear, I get the feeling if it came down to getting rid of your BlackBerry or your wife you would get rid of your wife. I feel bad for you that an electronic device is controlling YOUR LIFE, rather than the other way around. I suggest psychological help! :( My condolences to your wife.

My girlfriend use to be the same way. Now that I bought her very own berry, she totally understands what my problem is.

I totally am right there with you. I sleep with my bb beside me. My husband doesn't complain too much, but during the day, my kids are the ones asking me to stop it with the bb!

Obviously he was on Ambien. End of story. Case closed. Mystery solved.

Seriously. Such a waste of 12 paragraphs.

FIll in the blank with what ever you are doing that takes attention away from you wife and that is the problem. My wife is like this, gets upset if I'm on my Laptop and she feels ignored. Fine line to walk in this. Show some attention and still get to have your toys. Just don't let them become an obsession, except LSU Football of course. ;0)

I am just as addicted. I recently added the tetris app to my 8310 and I cant stop playing it. My husband is addicted to the game too. He said he doesnt want a blackberry though. He likes his dumbphone. Its so funny listening to him text with his old school phone. I get stuff done so much faster. Sometimes Im like Ok just use my phone so I dont have to hear all that beeping.LOL dont feel bad though I have my bb on my nightstand at night. lol

Seriously dude, put the phone down. Just reading your story made me wonder why I continued to finishing it. My IQ went down 10 points due to this but still is way ahead of your IQ score I'm sure.

Obviously it's you and not her. Sure we all get all giddy like school girls when we FIRST buy our BB, but honestly, you're just an drama queen. Even IF your wife did write it, WHO CARES!! That means, "Get off the damn phone already you Clown and Listen to the wife!" I know talking crap on the computer sounds like we don't have the "coconuts" to tell you to your face, but if I was in front of you I'd say the exact same thing! So stop acting like it's all you you you when it should be her her her! Lastly, it was you who wrote it...stop popping pills!!!

Thanks so very much to all of you! Your comments are interesting and fun to read. After all, free speech in the U.S.A.