Dear Berry: BlackBerry Triggers Friendship Issues

By Mara Blumenthal on 4 Jun 2007 11:35 am EDT

Dear Berry with Mara Blumenthal Dear Berry,

A friend and I got into a terrible argument. He wouldn't stop using his Blackberry. At night, then the next morning, then in the bathroom, then at lunch and dinner. I was furious. We were back in the room watching a DVD, having gone on a two day weekend get-a-way, and there it was again. So I gave him 3 warnings and said I was going to throw it out if he didn't put it down. He kept going so I took the Blackberry and threw it over the balcony and into the bushes - I swear he was going to follow it off the balcony. It ended up somewhere in the bushes. He was furious. The BB was found with only the battery out and door off. The problem was the screen was cracked (money isn't an issue - he can easily replace it/no data lost) and now he doesn't want to be friends anymore!  We are now in a HUGE fight!! He is so disrespectful with the use of his BB. What do I do? HELP!

End Friendship because of a BB

Dear "End Friendship because of a BB",

There are definitely some bigger issues here that need to be resolved. However, it sounds to me that this BB argument represents much deeper issues in your relationship. You need to ask yourself a few difficult questions about the friendship. What it means to you and is it worth struggling through to try to change it. Also, is he willing to compromise to meet you halfway on his BB use and whatever other issues the two of you might have going on with each other? Clearly, if no data was lost and he can replace the unit easily, then that isn't the issue, which could have been quite significant for him.

I would recommend speaking with him about your friendship. If it's a lengthy and/or meaningful friendship you might not want to just let it go. However, there are times when close friends outgrow friendships and it can be quite sad but it's time to move on. What isn't good is constant tension and fighting where neither of you feels like your being acknowledged. Take it slow and see how you feel after he has given you his side of things. He might surprise you and you will hear things you had no idea he was feeling. Give it a very fair chance and if that doesn't work, part ways and wish him well.

Best of luck,

Reader comments

Dear Berry: BlackBerry Triggers Friendship Issues


I think if you had thrown my BB out the window and busted it I would want you to stay far away from me.

you should report yourself to the authorities for such an atrocity

now i have to get a yellow ribbon for a fallen BlackBerry

it's a shame... it's a damn shame

I LOVE the comments! Thanks and keep them coming!

NOTHING over the Blackberry - of course I get it ;-)

Life is just too short to allow anything to get between 2 people where they no longer speak, even if it's a beloved blackberry. Material things can be replaced, close friends are not so easily replaced.

I've learned over the years that we must forgive, no matter how difficult or angry we are. Time heals everything.

Cancer runs high in my family and after seeing so many family and friends die from this disease at such an early age, you realize your own mortality. We all take for granted that tomorrow will come but what if the friend died in a car accident and the last conversation was over the blackberry or whatever the matter may be. You never will have a second chance to express how you feel and you will never have closure.

I say sit him down and tell him that you are sorry but you must meet him halfway with this attachment with his blackberry. I of course would have stopped playing with the device if you needed my undivided attention. I'm attached and I love my blackberry but people's feelings are more important to me.

I do hope you can salvage your friendship.

Wishing you all the best,

there needs to be some sort of blackberry ettiquite, because things like this is always happening.. actually, it should be known as cell phone ettiquite.. i myself being a blackberry addict would not appreciate someone throwing my phone out the balcony, but i agree that during these moments of nice outings, phones should be used less.

really....I can understand why he was upset with you for tossing his blackberry....I mean...I don't even like to share my bb with another person who wants to make a call on throwing the bb..not cool...not cool at all.

You throw my phone, we are gonna have more than an argument. I get it he was being rude, however, you just broke up something that he paid is hard earned money for. If it were yours you would not have tolerated such behavior. That being said if he was so rude you could have just left him there alone with the blackberry.

Actually throwing his BB out the window is about as childish as him not puting it down. You should have been the bigger person and left. There is nothing wrong with you just saying buy and not ruining his BB. I would have to say if you were to do that to me I would not be a happy camper. No friendship ender but we would need to get you some anger management.