The CrackBerry Christmas Carol... 2013 Edition!

Jingle Bells, Android Smells!

A CrackBerry Christmas Carol!
By Kevin Michaluk on 19 Dec 2013 12:21 pm EST
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Looking back at 2013, it's really been a year of Vulcan-like logic around CrackBerry and our other Mobile Nations sites. With events like Talk Mobile 2013, we pulled back from the unadulterated fanboyism that we at times like to embrace around these parts in favor of more unbiased analysis and discussion.

And while I love logic, I also have a great appreciation for PASSION, and we all know a little fanboy product love is a byproduct of passion. I hate it when people give fanboys a hard time. I mean, people cheer for their favorite sports teams all the time (and bring on a little hateration for the ones they're playing against) and nobody seems to mind that, so why shouldn't the same be for products? I know I've been cheered on my favorite companies since I was an early teenager, whether it was Team Associated RC cars, Ski-Doo snowmobiles and more recently my favorite mobile tech company, BlackBerry.

So in the spirit of BlackBerry passion and the Christmas season, we've re-jigged the lyrics slightly to our infamous CrackBerry Christmas carol which was first published in 2011 (kudos to Ryan Blundell for original lyrics). Sing it below. Here's to a Merry Christmas to all BlackBerry users, and a happy 2014! 

CrackBerry Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a BlackBerry 10 sleigh
O'er the BES they go
encrypted all the way
Three bells on phone calls ring
Make my LED bright
What fun it is to email, ping
And tweet ‘til late at night

Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!
Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!

A day or two ago
My friend gave me a ride
for GPS he had
and iPhone by his side
the battery life was rank
and Siri's directions sucked
We got into a drifted bank
and he knew we were f*ck'n stuck!

Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!
Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!

Every day or so,
Someone feels compelled
To tell me to switch phones
I respond with "Go to Hell!"
Some guy was walking by
In some Windows Update 3 craze,
I laughed and hit him with my Z30,
in an OtterBox, just in case.

Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!
Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!

Kevin love his BlackBerrys white
His hopes for John Chen are strong,
Hit the Apple Store tonight
and sing this fanboy song;
For the top stories today
The next two lines take heed
There's way too many sites out there
but CrackBerry takes the lead!

Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!
Oh, jingle bells, Android smells
webOS has gone away
iPhone Yuck and Windows Phones suck
BlackBerry all the way, hey!

Reader comments

The CrackBerry Christmas Carol... 2013 Edition!

85 Comments

Including the fact that every single OS listed in the song are way better than BlackBerry®

~Posted via Nexus 5™

Seriously? You can't get enough Holiday music on the radio, at shopping malls, tv ads, or anywhere else you turn, you want it on your phone too? LOL, not on my devices.

I'm waiting for Kevin, Michelle, Bla1ze, Adam and Chris and Alicia and James and DJ to get on a podcast and sing it live!

...in front a Christmas tree all decorated with blinking BlackBerry devices (and maybe some CB orange ribbons)

Great!!! sing!!! everybody in all the world!!! Merry Chritsmas Everyone!!

Your Crackberry friend in Honduras, Central America!!

Best Wishes!! and Greetings!!

Superb!! Love it like anything... Merry Christmas everyone !! :D

Posted via Ferrari Red Z10/STL 100-2 "Developer's edition" OS 10.2.1.XXXX

Surprised the moderators haven't made you alter the words of the chorus. I was ticked off the other day for daring to 'dis' our Android and Apple cousins in a comical way.

Posted via CB10

I'm not a big fan of the platform hate but have to say, this is a pretty quirky fanboy song. Like it.

And your stock is worth next to nothing... I thank the heavens I was not around here when Blackberry mattered.

That's my new favourite Christmas song by far. Thanks Kevin & Merry Christmas to CrackBerry Nation!!!

We need a music video with the CrackBerry staff singing this. Bring the CrackBerry community an even more joyous Christmas and make it happen PLEASE!!!!

Posted via CB10

Sorry Kevin, but that was really poorly written and bordering on awful.

Great effort though, just a poor result.

Hopefully next year BB is still around so you can take another crack at it. ;)

Love this ...how long before those sub-standard OS users mentioned in the song realize that their new credit and debit apps are at risk without BlackBerry encryption :D

It amazes me how many non-blackberry users took the time to comment here and give a bad rap on the said OS. Enough! We love Blackberry. We love Crackberry. So shove your opinion on some other site that may care because the fanbase here in Crackberry for Blackberry OS and devices will noooooot make the switch. Blackberry all the way punk.

SQN100-3, Manila via CB10 App

Brilliant stuff. Simply amazing.
+1 if you were singing along in rhythm.

Posted via the ultimate mobile compu...should I even need to mention???

That sounds like the old Kevin and not the Benedict Arnold/iPhone and Android carrying traitor we see before us now. The Rimpire is no more: the force is gone in that one. Fanboy enough?

I used my Z10 to create this CrackBerry madness!